I want to build a snowman
by Errol's Feather
Summary: When Elsa is locked away after the accident all she wants is to build a snowman with Anna. Only she is afraid she will hurt her again. This is about Elsa's inner struggle and how she in the end gets up the struggle to tell Anna about her wish.


**_I want to build a Snowman _**

I was about eight years old when I managed to freeze my sister's mind and they locked me away. Of course they had removed her memories so she could not recall what happened. She could not remember my powers and what I was capable of doing she did not remember how I can make the floor of the ball room into ice by using my powers, how I could make snow so we couple build snowmen. I loved it how they could play together, make snowmen and snow angels, have snowball fights. In fact she loved the winter due to her powers.

From the outside of the door I hear her ask me if I wanted to make a snowman, after all it was snowing outside. A tear ran down my cheek, then another, followed by more as I told her to go away. I didn't want to hurt her with my powers again, even if I wanted more than anything to play with her and hear her laugh.

* * *

"Conceal it, don't feel it," was my father's words when he gave me the gloves. To keep me from making everything I touched freeze, to hold my powers back. I was scared I was alone in my room and all I wanted was to escape and to play with Anna. She had asked again to build a snowman; I knew she was lonely out there, playing with herself. She was even talking to the mirrors on the walls. It just wasn't right. None of this was. I didn't even know why I was born like this, with these powers.

It was as much a blessing as a curse. I took of my glove, and made a made my fingers make patterns of ice crystals and hearts against the wall. I smiled of the beauty of it, then I froze, knowing very clear what this meant. I might be able to create art and I might be able to have fun with this gift, but I could never hug another human being or be close to anyone without taking my gloves off. I would freeze them to death.

More tears as I put my gloves back on, and sat down on the floor crying, I was so very lonely. All I had was snow and ice, and the cruel irony was that I could not even feel the cold at all. In frustration I took off my gloves and let my powers loose, freezing the whole room.

* * *

It was the day of the coronation, or rather my coronation. It was time I took over as Queen after my father. I was twenty-one and I had not been in the same room as Anna or anyone else for years. I was scared, no that wasn't the right word, I was in fact terrified. I was scared that when I removed my gloves to hold my father's scepter I could not hold my powers back, everything would be frozen and my secret would come out. Everyone would be terrified and I would be locked up again. I sighed heavily; no I could do this I had to do this, if nothing or no one else, for my father. I was his good girl, I was meant to rule over this land. I had known that ever since he died years ago.

I sighed as I looked up on the wall saying, "Father, I am ready."

* * *

It would have gone alright had Anna not pushed me, had she not pushed me so far. She just had to do that, she her mind to marry the first man she laid her eyes on. God in heaven's…

Love didn't happen like that, that was something everyone knew. It was more to it than that. Then again I was not the right to speak about love. I had not loved a man and I doubted I ever would, who could love anyone that turned everything to ice really. I sighed sitting down in my ice palace it was better this way. Away from everyone, I could not harm a soul with my powers. Not to mention I was free. Free from everything and everyone.

No one could bother me, and I could not hurt anyone, it was the best solution.

Or so I thought until Anna managed to find me, she and Olaf. The silly snowman that looked like the one we built as children. I couldn't believe he was even alive, but there he was, standing, talking. You would think I would be glad to see her again, you would think I would embrace her even, because after all this time she was the only one I actually loved. Did I do that, no, the fear within caused me to act very differently.

I had been wrong; me being away had not done anything good for my people, rather the other way around. I had made them have winter forever, I didn't even know how to stop it, how to unfreeze things. This was the worst thing that could have happened. I lashed out of her without even meaning it, and this time I struck her in the heart.

More fear went through me as I threw her, and Olaf out of my castle. Fear that this time she might die, and I was to blame, these stupid powers were to blame. I didn't really know how it happened as it all seemed to happen so fast. I only knew I was being locked up in a dungeon at my own castle. I could feel the rage within as I knew this was a trap somehow. I knew someone was after the throne that was rightfully mine, or worse someone might be after my sister.

I dragged the chains trying to break free but I couldn't. It seemed hopeless. First I was locked up for years, and then I managed to escape, being completely fine, only to be caged like an animal this would not do. Anger was rising through my body as I tried breaking free again. I needed to get out, to…

"Come on you stupid chains," I cursed on the inside, feeling how they froze and how they broke under the pressure. At least my power could do something useful. It was only moments later I would learn then had killed my sister, in sorrow and terror I sank to the frozen ground, what was the use of fighting when she was gone. They might as well kill me now, I for sure deserved it. I didn't even care if they cut my head off. I was a monster, I always would be.

It was then I heard her, her voice, stepping between, and saw her standing there, an ice sculpture, frozen. I broke fully then. Clinging to her, my tears falling, my heart breaking, she couldn't be gone, she just couldn't. A million thoughts running through my head and I swore that if she would just become unfrozen I would never harm her every again, I would be more careful.

* * *

It was only after everyone had left the castle the same night, after the curse was broken and I knew hugging her would not turn her into ice, I dared to say, "Anna."

"Yes, Elsa, are you okay?" she asked, looking at me with worried eyes.

Emotions running through me and it was hard to make sense of it all. Still there was one thing I wanted, I wanted it for years, and so I said, "I want to build a snowman."

"Oh Elsa," she whispered, hugging me, as if she had waited forever for me to say that.

"I know it is stupid, as we are all grown up, but…" I was blushing, feeling really silly now.

"No it is not stupid at all, let us build one as we used to," she said, looking over at Olaf that now was sleeping with the reindeer Sven. They did make a cute couple. Kristoff was up in one of the many guest rooms, he had left to give us some privacy.

A giggle escaped my lips as I started to roll a ball through the snow, it would make a great body, Elsa found the feet and quickly rolled a ball to get on top of mine, I found a head. She ran inside finding a carrot for a nose, and I some rocks for his eyes and mouth. She found so small branches for arms and hair. Then she smiled and said, "Look he's smaller than Olaf, maybe it can be his little brother."

"Yes and they can have fun just like us, what shall we call him?" I said with a pleased, yet dignified smile.

"How about Casper or Hans?" Anna suggested, before adding, "Can you bring him to life?"

"Of course, Casper should suit him, I think he is missing something," I said, thinking, before running inside. I could hear Anna calling for me. I ran upstairs in a hurry like I did when we were children, going through the drawers of winter clothes until I found, then I ran back to her. I twirled a striped scarf around his neck and said, "There, he's perfect?"

"I agree, nice touch there," said Anna and punched me playfully in the side.

I made some gestures making him come to life, he looked at us confused but then he settled on the ice, before closing his eyes. I shook my head and Anna said, "Guess he likes sleeping at night."

"I guess so, I'm exhausted, wanna go to bed?" I asked, wrapping my arm around her shoulder.

"Yeah, can I sleep in your room tonight?" he voice sounded insecure now.

"Of course," I said in a very loving voice as we made our way back to the castle.

* * *

"I'm glad you are back," she said, once we were snuggled up in my bed. She was holding on to me so hard.

"As am I, I really missed you," I whispered, stroking her every so gently.

"I was so lonely without you," she said with a yawn.

"As was I, but those days are over," I said.

"Yes, and tomorrow we are building a snow castle," said she, I knew her to smile as she said it.

"I can agree to that, after I finished my royal duties," I said with a heavy sigh.

"Elsaaaa," she complained.

"Okay, okay before," I settled with a small laugh.

"Mmm," she said, she had to be as exhausted as I was, after all it had been a very long day.

"Sweet dreams," I whispered, not getting I replay I took it she was asleep, and whispered, "I love you so much, Anna."

"And I you, Elsa," she whispered back with a sigh. I could feel the warmth spreading through my body by her words. It was like we were children again having fun, playing, and right now I knew that would never stop, I wouldn't let it. I would no longer deny myself building a snowman with her. After all I loved them as much as she did.

* * *

Thank you for reading this story, feedback is always appreciated :o)


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